After last night, I could never be a politician.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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