4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
