How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
