I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
