after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
