Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
