well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
