So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
