I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
