i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
