Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Hippo gnu deer
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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