My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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