Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
