i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
