How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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