she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
All the doctor said was why
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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