Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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