I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
