She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
