like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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