Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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