Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
