Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
