Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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