Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize