i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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