I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
