I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
