I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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