Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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