If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
