Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize