I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
...so i touched it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
