could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize