I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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