4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
