Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
