i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
