Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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