officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she peed on how many people?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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