I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
