Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
