Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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