Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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