Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
