Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
