yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
