i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
