i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
