It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
