my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
