hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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