She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
