It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
