So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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