Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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