So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
