Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
