i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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