i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
