So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
