when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
