So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
