If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
