I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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