but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
